In light of all the unrest and brutality going on in the world tonight, I decided to post something less weighty. This is to get my single friends ready for their Spring Flings and look forward to having a bit of fun this summer. Shake off the winter blues, that SAD shit and let’s all enjoy the sundresses and sandals…both the watchers and the wearers. So many of my friends complain that they have no “game”, or that they don’t really feel like going through the whole dating thing again. You know, sifting through the bullshit of let’s say “embellished” online profiles, pictures from 29 years ago and you know damn well you don’t look like that anymore…IJS. Anyhow, I came up with a short list of tips to make your dating life drama free. This is tailored towards my lesbian sisters of a particular age, but the principles are really universal, in my opinion. Let me start by saying that it’s really not about “having game” as much as having self-respect and knowing what you will and will not put up with. I mean, everyone has their own idiosyncracies and you just have to know which ones are deal breakers for you. Many of us get to the point where we are always on the lookout for “the one”, when we should simply be enjoying the company of whoever comes into and out of our dating lives without any expectations.
- KNOW YOURSELF AND KNOW YOUR WORTH.Drake already told y’all, LOL. Know that you are a wonderful catch, even with any flaws you think you have, you are still a better overall person than all of the women you dated put together! On the next go round, don’t settle for anything less than what you bring to the table. For instance; if you are a praying woman, with a great career, intellect, have outside cultural interests, attractive, fashion forward, witty and have your own home and car, then the next chick that you get booed up with needs to have at least all the qualities you have…especially the spiritual ones.
- DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK GOD FOR THE EXACT TYPE OF WOMAN YOU WANT.Write down all the things you want in your partner and then ask God to give that and whatever else He thinks you need in that person. Pray for the ability to recognize that person and the ability to quickly recognize the bullshitters. Afterwards, put that list somewhere and forget about it. Then set about having fun dating whoever comes into your life, knowing that every date ain’t about getting married. Simply have fun enjoying meeting new like-minded people that can take you away from the stress of your regular life.
- RECIPROCITY IN ALL THINGS IS A MUST. Don’t date someone if it is always going to be one-sided. If you know at the outset that she doesn’t drive, have a job, like the same things you do, etc., then don’t waste your time. That one-sided stuff gets old quick and it is inevitable that resentment will set in. If you don’t mind driving or treating because spending time with that person is intriguing, then fine. Just don’t get attached to that person because she ain’t the one.
- PAY ATTENTION WHEN PEOPLE SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE. Take what women say when they first meet you with a grain of salt. They all say what they think you want to hear. It is up to you to pay attention to their actions and listen closely to their ex-stories to discover who they really are. Also, all those victim stories where you end up wondering how someone could mistreat this person so badly…usually end up being clues into who they really are. The most important red flag is when they keep bringing up their ex…this signals that the drama is still prevalent in her life. Run.
- DO NOT TOLERATE ANY IOTA OF DISRESPECT. You are now in the stage of your life where it should be all Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy when it comes to dating. You have no time for any type of drama which includes: raising their voice at you, cursing at you, hanging up the phone, withholding communication, standing you up, breaking up suddenly or anything that hurts your feelings or angers you. You should be enjoying life and creating new adventures with whomever you date…not coming home frustrated from arguing.
- CUT HER OFF AT THE FIRST INCIDENT OF DISRESPECT.People treat you the way you allow them to. Ignoring the incident will set a precedent. Let her go, she won’t change and you deserve better.
- NEVER GO BACK AFTER THEY CUT YOU OFF. Remember, you are the dominant one…it’s her loss. NEXT! Plus, they just use it against you because if you go back, they feel like they can now manipulate your emotions. You will never win because you will lose the upper hand. Additionally, unless they have had time to experience a complete spiritual overhaul since they cut you off, the original issues will still be there…trust.
- WATCH OUT FOR MANIPULATIVE TRICKS.Blame. Moodiness. Guilt. Crying. Irrational Anger. All of these are used to manipulate you emotionally. Don’t fall for it. If you come away from a conversation or date feeling stressed, cut her off.
- RENEW YOUR MIND FROM THE BULLSHIT.The loneliness will kick in after you cut her off but force yourself to remember the drama, hurt and disappointment instead of the good sex or whatever else was good about her. Do whatever you need to do to remember that you can wait for the next woman rather than put up with the current stressful situation just for companionship.