My intent today was to be transparent about my body and lifestyle transformation journey. What God placed in my spirit was to speak about what humbling myself really looks like. I, like many others have the habit of comparing ourselves to others when setting goals and celebrating achievements. However, I have discovered that I can’t even compare myself to my former self. My ego tells me that I can set these lofty standards for myself, with no real guidance, rhyme or reason and still expect to bust them out with no problem. So, as usual, God had another plan for me.
I finally went to cardiac rehab on Tuesday morning, with my playlist and headphones all prepared to get back into full workout mode, only to be rudely awakened to the seriousness of my heart condition and my diabetes management. I was used to eating a carb heavy breakfast before working out last year because my blood sugar would drop before the end of my session and I would end up feeling nauseated and about to pass out. So, with this old mindset, I ate some rice and veggies for breakfast justifying it based upon my old habits. Much to my surprise my blood sugar was 310 by the time I reached the VA. I also found out that it is dangerous to workout with a sugar reading above 300 because apparently your body can take it either way, low or high during the workout. Since I had driven so far they allowed me to proceed while wearing a heart monitor. First reality check.
Next I thought that I would get back to my 25 min mile pace on the treadmill, which to me is not fast at all. I was embarrassed to find out I could only go at 1.8 for 10 mins, 5 mins on level 0 of the recumbent stepper and 10 mins of level 1 on the bike. Second reality check and ego blow to my soldier mentality.
Finally I found out that I can’t let my heart rate get over 110 at least right now. This means I can only do cardio for a max of 30 mins 4 times a week. I can’t strength train until further notice. Can’t take any supplements and basically have to be ok with the fact that I may not be able to build muscle for awhile. I joined the 5 star nutrition challenge with the intent of purchasing some detox and protein supplements to speed up my progress, with the rationale that as long as I stayed away from fat burners I should be fine. My cardiac nurse let me know that I needed to change my body goals to simply focus on heart health for the next few months. I was kinda disappointed to put it mildly.
That evening in my #MediaMavericks group #TeeJMercer was teaching on running your race at your own pace and not to compare myself to others because everyone has different circumstances, and I realized that I had been comparing myself to my old person, pre heart attacks. The realization that I really have to start from scratch set in hard. Just because my brain is telling me I feel fine, doesn’t mean it is actually so. Ego and pride are tricky bastards.
This little bit of depression sent me on a wagon jump off my diet regimen to irrationally devour some pound cake. After checking my account to discover I was overdrawn because I forgot about an automatic bill coming out, my emotional tailspin continued sadly and I didn’t even feel like cooking healthy. SMH
The lesson here was that I discovered 2 of my binge triggers, depression and broke. Glad to say I stopped my pity party within 12 hours and got back on track. I did manage to not eat out and I made some delicious broiled jerk salmon and Green chile baked chicken legs. Still working on cooking some veggies and a pot of beans.
The other thing I am learning is to honor my body by resting when it calls for it, even if it is in the middle of the day. I had to admit that as much as I love being domestic by cooking gourmet meals and keeping my house spiffy, that can’t be my priority these days. Another bit of wisdom confirmed by Coach #TeeJMercer. I wasn’t expecting to get such consistent life wisdom from joining this group, clearly confirmation that God directed me here at the right time.
So on the way home after penning this post during a pedicure, I was reminded of my final lesson which is to continue to dwell on my successes and not my failures. Joel Osteen was talking about having a good opinion of ourselves and I wanted to end this post by saying that I celebrate the fact that I did eat healthy low sodium, low carb meals every day this week. I did make it to workout so far twice, I managed to write this blog post and I listened to my #MediaMavericks group chats everyday this week which has kept up my motivation. Although I want to be transparent, I am going to find a balance between candor and celebration. I want to motivate and not add to ways in which we beat ourselves up daily. So, I will end this by saying that we all are works in progress and by the grace of God, and divine timing, we will run our race at our own pace with our unique anointing. Until next time, Be Blessed!